and i also hate bean sprouts but not really i just say that because i've lost my marbles

picked this up from

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?
no
i have a soul-consuming bond with somebody i love beyond belief

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?
yes

3: Longest relationship you've ever been in?
uh well i've been my dad's kid for 20 and a half years and that counts as a relationship

4: Have you ever changed for someone?
no
NO
nO
No

5: How is your relationship with your ex?
we don't actually have one because she kind of scares me

6: Have you ever been cheated on?
nope

7: Have you ever cheated?
hell fucking no

8: Would you date someone who's well known for cheating?
i don't date reputations, i date /people/
which is what should be done anyway

9: What's the most important part of a relationship?
love
any day
like if you trust someone but you don't love them what is the point

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
i do not fling
my aim is total shit

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?
i can understand the hypothetical need for one

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?
the number of people i have hooked up with is the same as the number of tentacles i have on my head
hint: it's zero

13: What's one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?
not getting clear of people who drag me down and gravitating towards the ones who pull me up

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?
not as kids
definitely not as kids i mean do you even know what the state of sex education is these days, holy dicks
so not until they've talked to Shia and learned to use protection and are adults

15: Do you believe in the phrase "age is just a number"?
to a point, yeah
i mean i wouldn't date a ten-year-old

16: Do you believe in "love at first sight"?
tumut no shitty romance novels

17: Do you believe it's possible to fall in love on the internet?
yeah

18: What do you consider a deal maker?
that feeling where you're kind of drowning but also flying and your face won't be un-red
that's it
that's all

19: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
when you're no longer happy to see your S.O.

20: Are you currently in a relationship?
hellz yeah
with the best dude on the planet
u should b jelly bitch

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
look at lesbians

22: Do you think people should date their friends?
see the above

23: How many relationships have you had?
technically two, but only one i actually wanted

24: Do you think love can last forever?
fill in the blanks
AMERICA
/____ ____/

a. FUCK YEAH
b. KICK ME
c. PANCAKES
d. APPLE PIE

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?
bitch i know it

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?
oh that's a stupid question
no
i do what i want


27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?
god damn it child stop thinking of things in such boring conventional terms and for fuck's sake keep thumbing your nose at hallmark movies

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?
yeah
takes work
but yes

29: What do you notice first about another person?
voice
eyes
it's a tossup

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?
i'm PURPLE
homoflexible

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?
mental illness doesn't faze me
i'd be a great big bag of dicks if it did

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
well
i'm still trying to figure that out
not a /romantic/ one
and never /physically/ abusive

33: Do you want to get married one day?
okay let me tell you a story
once upon a time, there was this weird-ass dude named Tony
when he was little, he swore by his lego set that he'd never get married
when he was a teenager, he swore by his straight-A grades that he'd never get married
when he was an adult, he swore by his dick, the planet, and half of his life savings that he'd never get married
and then he met someone who he'd marry
too bad they're both dudes and that's currently illegal in most places but oh well

34: What do you think about getting your partner's name tattooed?
depends
it wouldn't be in some flowery script or anything
something totally metal
or maybe comic sans
so maybe

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?
well you wouldn't know it by going through my web browser bookmarks but yeah

36: Are you still a virgin?
yes

37: What's more important: Looks or personality?
personality
anyone who says otherwise is an idiot
luckily i don't have to choose

38: Do you enjoy love films?
n o

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?
roses
no
roses die, remember
that's a really shitty metaphor right there
maybe that's why so many relationships fail
they give each other roses to profess their love and then watch them wilt and die
that's why i prefer rocks

40: Have you ever had a valentine?
no

41: What's your imagination of a "perfect date"?
anything
Supernatural and cherry 7-up maybe
or running around in cosplay
or running around anywhere, really
idgaf as long as i'm with The Right Person

42: Have you ever read "Romeo & Juliet"?
no
i liked Hamlet though

43: What's more important: Your partner or your friends?
it's important to have both

44: Would you consider yourself "romantic"?
in a very bizarre kind of way yes
and by bizarre, i mean i will morph our faces with Hella Jeff and rewrite song lyrics so they adequately express the nature of my emotions

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?
I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS
I AM SMEAGOL

46: Have you ever been "friendzoned"?
i don't believe in the friendzone
it hasn't even given us a confusing book of its doctrine to read
i believe in it even less than i believe in the christian god

47: Which "famous couple" is your favorite?
is Destiel famous

48: What's your favorite love song?
how the fuck am i supposed to pick just one
Friday I'm in Love or Angel With a Shotgun

49: Have you ever broken someone's heart?
i don't actually know if i have or not

50: If you're single, why do you think you are?
okay
so i'm obviously not single and clearly quite content with that but i think the reason i WAS single for so long is because i didn't have a clue who i was
how is someone else supposed to know you if you don't know yourself

51: Would you rather date someone who's rich but a douchebag or someone who's poor but a nice guy?
i don't date douchebags
or toilettebags
or lavabobags
or baignoirebags
so i'd go with the second option

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/relationships?
HA
HA HA
HA HA
HA HHHA HHHA HA
HA HA
HA HA
HA
HA

53: Are you jealous of couples when you're single?
no because most of them are just kind of annoying
i don't see a whole lot of real bonds these days
there's a lot of people who get together because they a. find each other physically not-unappealing, b. don't really hate each other, or c. are opposite genders and come into contact sometimes

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?
well it's /fun/
but completely unimportant because FB is on the way out

55: Would you consider yourself "clingy", "overly attached" or "jealous"?
no

56: Have you ever "destroyed" a relationship?
that depends on what you mean by "destroy"

57: Do you think it's silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?
i never think suicide is silly in any context ever
if you find someone who you love and they become half of your soul and then half your soul gets ripped out and you're soulbleeding to death i don't think it's silly
it hurts
it's still not the answer
it won't make anything better
but it's not silly or dumb or ridiculous

58: Are you the emotionally "dominant" or the "submissive" part in a relationship?
who the fuck wrote this question
i don't go for people who will dominate me or who i want to dominate, emotionally speaking
emotional domination is unhealthy and my parents do enough of that to put me off my tea every day
now D/s dynamics in the context of sex, well, that's a different story and i consider myself a switch

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner's birthday or your anniversary?
no, and i take great pains not to

60: What's your opinion on open relationships?
they're cool i guess
they work for some people
i'm a little more strictly monogamous than that

61: Who's more important: Your partner or your family?
okay look
if my brother and my boyfriend were both dangling off the edge of a cliff and they were fifty feet apart and i could only save one of them
i'd go all Spiderman and save both of them
and if i lost them both i'd go right over the edge of that cliff still trying to save them
/both of them/
i cannot choose and i refuse to do so

62: How do you define "cheating"?
getting all romantically and/or sexually attached to someone else all sneaky-like
it's like hey dude
if you like someone else's hot body
ask your partner if you can all threesome
and if you're romantically interested in someone else then you tell your partner and work it out
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you allowed to lie to your partner EVER or i will come beat you with Ke$ha and drag you down to hell

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?
i don't think it is
then again, i am a red-blooded american guy so

64: Do you think Valentine's Day is overrated?
no
i think it's celebrated wrong
instead of shitty pop songs and pink hearts and flowers everywhere, we should do awesome shit like ride in biker gangs and watch Supernatural and listen to classic rock and have romantic starlit burger dinners and check out rock concerts and cool shit like that

65: Would you consider yourself a "cuddler"?
I AM CUDDLY SATAN
HEAR ME ROAR